paper: pretty paper. true stories. {and scrapbooking classes with cupcakes.}: What if The Boy scrapbooked?

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What if The Boy scrapbooked?

mystery boy.  not a scrapbooker.

The Boy is somewhat clouded in mystery. Sometimes so much so that newcomers tend to think I am talking about my son, which I am clearly not, as I do not have anything that falls into the offspring category, either gender. Several others wondered if he would be upgraded to The Man or The Husband after the wedding, but I am not big on such name changes. The Boy is so-called because he is three-and-a-half years younger than I am. Thankfully he did not return the favour by launching a blog and publically referring to me as The Old Woman. That was kind of him.

He is also referred to by such a moniker because this is the internet and although I choose to tell you things, I thought he was entitled to his privacy. Remember, I once spent my days teaching teenagers whom we would inevitably run into at the shopping centre and the train station. All teachers know it comes with the territory that one idle Thursday evening, you can be deciding which bag of frozen peas looks best when out of nowhere, exceedingly high pitched screams of ‘Miss Laaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee!’ will pierce the silence and the calm of the frozen vegetable aisle forevermore. I guess I signed up for that, but I figured he did not, and so I never used his actual name at school or online and it seemed to do the trick. If someone who had listened closely saw us both in the frozen vegetable aisle, they wouldn’t actually scream and would perhaps politely ask ‘Is this The Boy, Miss?’ which was far more tolerable.

I swear I don’t pose these shots on purpose. He walks faster than I do. Faster than anyone I know. So I take pictures like this. What can you do?

But scrapbookers are polite people anyway and don’t generally shout amongst the frozen goods. Some do ask about The Boy and a few have even giggled to ask ‘Does The Boy scrapbook?’ and this makes me laugh. No, The Boy does not scrapbook. On a good day, he appreciates my scrapbooking. On a bad day, he tolerates it. He has made one layout in his entire life, which was part of a challenge over at UKScrappers and was entirely my fault. It is one of the three moments I have ever seen The Boy get stressed out that did not involve my inability to navigate from a map nor my inability to get somewhere at a set time. Three. So ever since he has kept a safe distance from the scrapbooking supplies, and this is fine.

There are, however, moments when our easily amused brains entertain the idea of what life would be like if it were The Boy who were the scrapbooker in our household. Admittedly, there are male scrapbookers who make it work for them – be they few and far between! The Boy quite clearly could not be one of them. So we compiled a list of ways in which life as we know it would change. May it entertain you.

If The Boy scrapbooked and you asked him to name his favourite scrapbooking supply, he would reply “glue”. If you followed up with “But what about Thickers?”, he would only glare. The next day your friends might find you had been turned to stone.

If The Boy scrapbooked and you asked him to name his favourite scrapbooking technique, he would reply “making a grid of photos. with glue.” You would quite rightly think that he is in quite good company for loving grids, what with the likes of Ali and Cathy proclaiming their love for just the same thing. But after the first incident, you will have learned to keep such comments to yourself.

scrapbook page?
A scrapbook page by The Boy or a mosaic from Big Huge Labs? Who can tell?

If for a moment you supposed we were both scrapbookers and you asked The Boy to name his favourite scrapbooker, he would dutifully reply “Well, obviously Shimelle. Except her layouts are far too busy. They need more grids. And glue.” {Yes, I asked. That’s a direct quote.}

If The Boy scrapbooked, there would be no talk of crops or retreats or CHA. There would instead be the occasional construction meeting in a secret location. Later, employees of the local pub would be found to be scraping glue off their tables and shaking their heads.

the boy's scrapbooking tote - on the left.

If The Boy scrapbooked, there would be no need to shop for a scrapping tote. Any scrapbook supplies would need to be transportable by backpack. There would be no stressing out while traveling about the chance that paper could be crumpled. I don’t fully understand how this is possible, actually.

If The Boy scrapbooked and you looked at his album, you would see an abundance of white pages and grey text that would suddenly make you think you were perhaps not looking at a scrapbook at all, but some new arm of advertising from Apple. He assures me this would be wholly intentional. I tried to talk him into adding a swirl stamp to the look, but I only missed being turned to stone because I knew to jump quickly.

If The Boy scrapbooked, regular blogging would be replaced by months of silence broken by a single philosophical statement about the hobby. Apparently The Boy is not such a fan of the chit chat.

If The Boy scrapbooked, he would scrap photos of me without photoshopping out my frizzy hair, blotchy skin or slouchy posture.
I don’t think the world is ready for this. I know I am not.

If The Boy scrapbooked, there would be no requests for photos of our feet whenever we a) had new shoes or b) traveled somewhere where the paving looked slightly different than home.

If The Boy scrapbooked, he assures me he would proclaim a new title that has much more implicit honour than The Boy. As of yet, he is still unsure of his new name. Suggestions are welcomed.

If The Boy scrapbooked, he would replace my sewing machine with an industrial laser cutter. Every time he used the device, he would impersonate Dr. Evil. Every. Time.

If The Boy scrapbooked, he would take up lots of sketch challenges but every resulting layout would look the same: nine 4×4 photos in a grid, glued to a 12×12 page. No matter what the sketch.

If The Boy scrapbooked, he would sell my ribbon collection to the highest bidder and use the proceeds to install stereo surround sound in his scrapping space. Then he would sell all the stamps and use the proceeds to buy some large invention involving a flat screen. Then one day I would come home to find all the paper had disappeared, the Expedit had been replaced by an overstuffed recliner, and a large assortment of additional gadgets with remote controls. When I ask what’s happened to all the scrapbooks, he tells me it was more beneficial to scan all the photos into digital files, back those files up on web servers in different locations all over the world and then free our home of all paper products and embellishments. As a result, he explains, we can now plug in lots of extra gadgets without fear of an electrical fire destroying our heirloom albums.

And then he would promptly stop scrapbooking and become some sort of world authority on mindless action films, the complete works of Top Gear or a video game with a parental advisory sticker.

So really, I think it’s best we just stick with me being the scrapbooker if it’s okay with you?

Feel free to ask the nearest male what would happen if he scrapbooked instead of you. Just be sure to dodge the glare of stone, okay? We want you to live so you can report back!


PS: Are you ready to party? A few things coming your way tonight, then mad-cap mania alllll weekend long! Bring it!

31 July 2009

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34 Comments for What if The Boy scrapbooked?

  1. Heather Ippolito Says:

    Oh my word!! That was too funny :) Thanks for the chuckle.

  2. Irene Fitzpatrick Says:

    I was just looking through our holiday photos and tut….tutting at the number there are of the interior and exterior of pubs taken by HIM! I think HIS scrapbooking space would have a bar in the corner and a collection of tools- they would be PROPER tools you understand…. not the ones we use. (I did kill a fly with my litle hammer the other day and was so horrified by my barbarity, that I had to go and lie down in a darkened room for a while!)HIS paper would be old maps and the embellishments would inevitably include beer bottle tops, drink mats and peanut bags. Titles would be sought in editions of Wetherspoons News, CAMRA newsletters and the Good Pub Guide. (We never go on holiday without them!) I think you get the picture….. and I’ve managed to escape a stony end, although we may have to spend the evening in stony silence! Still, I’ve got the party to look forward to. Love from me and HIM.

  3. Nathalie Says:

    This was such a fun read!!! I can feel the love though ;) ... Can’t live without them, whether they “get” scrapbooking or not!
    Irene, you cracked me up too!

  4. Krys Says:

    Thanks for this post, Shimelle! I LOVE it! It has to be one of my most favorite posts!!!
    I can’t do it justice, but I’m going to try to come up with something similar for a page; I have two weeks to stew about it (all day crop scheduled for 08/15!).
    When/if I manage to come up with something, I’ll post it and let you know!

  5. Amy Says:

    Way too funny….my husband would do the exact thing….sell off ALL my stuff, scan layouts and probably toss them…and yes…my scraproom would quickly be transformed into a movie room equipped with movie theater surround sound….I continue to tell him when he is 80 he will enjoy reliving the memories…too bad I will have to wait til then to have it be appreciated lol! Can’t wait for the weekend!

  6. Natalie Says:

    Ahaha I love it. At school I call my boy ‘him indoors’ so I dread to think what the kids will say when they see the two of us, haha.

    I am very sure that my boy will def have the same ideas about scrapbooking, thank goodness they don’t do it and we do!

    And yes, I am ready to party!

  7. Annette Navarro Says:

    OMG! I’m wiping away the tears of laughter – STILL. Oh Shimelle You are too funny. My sides hurt. Okay my husband is now seeing the light of allowing me to photograph him more without complaining. He enjoys seeing my completed ablums. More importantly he loves seeing our son in pictures. Me? Well I’m always behind the lens. He has always been supportive of me scrapbooking. I have asked him if he would like to scrap with me and he said “Get Serious”. I still have high hopes. Our son is 18 and he has even taken a class with me. He loves the art side of it. The Paints, inks and metal intrigue him. He’s really good too. Shimelle your boy and my husband would get along great. Yep!

  8. Clair Says:

    Oh my! You could have been writing about my life. Are all male (potential) scrappers the same? Incidentally, ever since I started going out with my fella (and before I’d even heard of scrapbooking) I referred to him as ‘The Steve’. It’s stuck! He’s also three years younger than me – isn’t that odd? x

  9. Tinkersdamn Says:

    If my Boy scrapbooked, there would be a handful of over-meticulous grid LOs, none of which would be quite finished or would be wrecked bc he can’t let something be until it’s OTT.
    And most of the photos would be of buildings because he’s a property geek. I let him have our old camera in Hong Kong and the chip was brimming over with shots of the harbour.
    But in reality the office would quickly turn into a flat screen PS3 haven with a squashy chair and a beer fridge.

  10. Tinkersdamn Says:

    PS we could probably race husbands… mine walks so fast I now carry my own passport when we travel, bc I never know how far ahead he is, only that he is INDEED ahead. I was 6 mos pregnant and utterly lost him in ORD once… he had all the tickets and everything. No clue where I was going.
    So I went and go pizza and waited where I last saw him. :D

  11. Sarah Says:

    My man said “yup. That’d be me”.
    I am now going to hide all my stash and remove any matches from the house.

  12. Kerry Says:

    Absolutely hilarious but so completely true. Blank stares and sarcastic comments about their being enough pizza boxes in our house to open a takeaway are the norm in my house.

  13. Claire Says:

    Very interesting and entertaining read – my husband just gave me his `look’ as if to say – are you being serious?!


  14. Cindy Says:

    My Boy (5 years younger” was just trying to persuade me that a C&C laser machine was a better option than a die cut tool. Go figure. Must be the testosterone.

  15. Greta Says:

    So funny and an entertaining read for sure. I think most of our guys are pretty much the same, but the way you tell it is perfect.

  16. Becky Says:

    Really enjoyed reading this – fantastic post! My hubby does ‘get’ my scrapping but would never do it himself – he would take over my space with his model railway!!

  17. Jackie Says:

    Soo true! Hubby just walked in part way through my reading to see how the party was going, & totally empathised with The Boy. He doesn’t ‘get’ flowers – keeps challenging me to do a LO without any…IMPOSSIBLE! Lookng forward to the weekend.

  18. Helen Overton Says:

    Love it!

  19. Colleen F. Says:

    How funny, and of course, HOW TRUE. I am sure most of what you wrote about would happen if my hubby decided to scrapbook.

  20. SarahLP Says:

    Fantastic post, LOVE it! My Boy scrapbooking? I’d like to see him try.
    Hmm, actually I really would like to see him try.. could be very entertaining. I will have to set him some sort of manly challenge and see if he takes it up. A chocolate reward might just do the trick. ;-)

  21. Judith Aitken Says:

    Fabulous Shimelle. It’s past my bedtime but still had to read to the end.

  22. Lynn Says:

    So funny, got me giggling away here :D

  23. Joy Says:

    My boy obviously is trying to impress me by saying “I would ask you to teach me darling!” Me thinks he wants something!

  24. Katy Says:

    Heh! I live with a completely mystified boy and have equally mystified friends, so totally emphasise!

  25. joy Says:

    this is my favorite line:

    If The Boy scrapbooked, he would take up lots of sketch challenges but every resulting layout would look the same: nine 4×4 photos in a grid, glued to a 12×12 page. No matter what the sketch.

    Tell the boy “hi” from the Madisons :)

  26. Tanja Says:

    love that handbag in one of the pics!! Where did you get it??

  27. Vicki Says:

    Gosh, rings so true and made me smile so to think how similar my Boy is regarding my obsessive collecting and crafting. Thank you for sharing.

  28. Lou Collins Says:

    Love this!!! My hubby must be from the same cave as ‘the boy’!
    Hubby loves to look, and critise once I have perfected and stuck down that final LO,but cannot offer alternative suggestions and claims he would be able to scrap just as well, though spend much less money…BRING IT ON!!!!!

  29. Beverly Kim Says:

    Love it!

  30. sjm Says:

    This is just funny. too funny. I have a partner and best friend (two different people) one who scrapbooks and one who doesn’t, I see both of them in this piece. They are both girls. One scrapbooks. Both do seem to have the same traits as “the boy”. v. cute

  31. Jennifer Says:

    how funny, and how true!! My BF’s pages would probably also be all grids, and all unfinished, because he is a TOTAL perfectionist. (he also would prefer a train room to an art studio in our house, but he sorta understands that I need to make a mess and create art somewhere.) great post!!

  32. onetake Says:

    just saw this. it’s hilarious. :) regards to you and the boy from sunny southern california!

  33. Diane Roberts Says:

    Oh, too funny! And hand on heart, I can honestly say almost all my photos of MY other half are of the back of him. I too am a slower walker than him, so I rarely get a facial shot….. LOL Hmmm, perhaps that’s for the best though!

  34. Rebekah Says:

    I just found out what happens when my man scraps. I’m pretty impressed :) What do you think about this? x